Memoir?

This is something a wrote out of boredom. There are other entries exploring different aspects of life and things I have thought about or experienced.

The crushing of bones and gnashing of teeth echo throughout these empty halls. I comb this structure I call home unceasingly, hoping to uncover the source of the haunting sounds; however, my investigations have remained fruitless for the years they’ve taken place. My dissatisfaction with what has continued to elude me for so long has been the catalyst of my restlessness. The noise around me has grown in time to mirror my descent into frustration and what little hope I had seems to have abandoned me to find solace of its own.
I cannot blame the part of me that found refuge, only commend it for doing what I continually have failed to do. I have been left with no choice but to sift through the sounds around me in an attempt to find what cannot be seen and answer riddles which cannot be solved. The deeper I dive into the unseen, the more clarity becomes but a foreign concept. I can no longer say my name out of concern for telling an untruth for my identity is no longer who I am. And as my questioning of ‘who’ falls to the wayside, two more rise up in its place, ‘what’ and ‘why’. My countless attempts at answering these questions have only given birth to more of themselves.
Though these enquiries grew like a beast which grows two heads in the place of one when cut down, they also presented me the answer I had been searching for. My world was a product of infinite boxes and what dwelt inside was forced to fit no matter how uncomfortable. At once, I saw my sense of self had never fit within the confines it had created for itself. When I realised I had no more need to find answers to the unanswerable, the gnashing and crushing stopped and I was, once more, provided with another answer. The cause of my insanity, the deafening turmoil constricting my soul, was nothing more than the sound of gears turning within my own mind as I struggled to name what could never be placed. Now I have been left with nothing and everything at the same time and the freedom I have found has brought harmony to the world of which I was enslaved.

Published by Paul Schembri

I'm a writing living in Australia.

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